Well, Im back. And guess what? I’m still dealing with the shitty guy that I have been talking to for the past three years.
I dont know why i stay. I know that Im a pretty girl, and I can do alot better than him. But theres just something about this kid. I think that its the way that i feel when im with him. Like im untouchable.
This past weekend, I saw him out at the bar. We usually do this thing where we ignore each other up until i ask him if he wants a drink. I buy him the drink, and then we go home together. This weekend was different. I asked to buy him the drink, and i go up to the bar and get it. and then he disappears. I tried to give him the drink, but he refused. I thought this was weird and quite frankly it pissed me off. Later in the night, I see him talking to this girl. I didn’t think anything of it at first, and then I saw them make their way toward the door. They. Left. Together. I was freaking out. That had never happened between us before, and of course I start blowing up his phone with all sorts of mean things.
The next morning, he said that they were just leaving to go meet people at another bar next door. I’m still not sure if I believe that. I want to text him, but I dont know what to say. We dont talk during the week much, and Im afraid if i text him about how I feel, he wont respond.
I don’t know what to do. We havent had a fight like this in a really long time, especially one that doesnt get resolved the night of. I feel like now is a good chance to talk about my feelings and expectations with him.
I also dont know if i am in the wrong for getting mad at him for leaving the bar with someone else. We haven’t had the exclusivity conversation, but i had assumed that I was the only girl he was hooking up with. I hookup with other guys sometimes, but its always random drunken things and its never right in front of him.
Theres so many things that I want to say to him. So i thought it would be better to get it out on here instead of keeping things bottled up.
If I were to text him today, this is what it would look like:
Sorry if this is out of the blue, but I wanted to say what I needed to say while we are both sober and in the right mindset. I like you. I wish that whatever is between us could be more than what it is, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s never going to progress. It confusing to me when you say you love me, and other times you act like you hate me. I’m also sorry for the outburst that I had last weekend. It’s just that it was frustrating when I bought you a drink and a shot and you disappeared, and then the next thing I know it seems like you’re leaving to go home with another girl. That was why I was upset with you. I’m not saying it’s ok that I called you all those names, but I would have appreciated a little more communication. I’m not looking for any further explanation from you on what happened on Saturday. I try and try to please you. I’m always there to talk when you need me to, respond to your texts, and tell you outright why I'm not answering if I don’t. I have always communicated with you, and I think it’s only fair that I get the same thing back from you. Since I don’t get that communication from you, I always end up hurt. The back and forth with us is causing me too much harm than good. I really hope that we can be friends in the future, but I think for now we should stop speaking to each other and seeing each other. We are not good for each other, and it’s not fair to either of us to keep this going when one of us always ends up with their feelings hurt. I’m not expecting you to respond to this, but I just wanted to let you know where I stand. I will always care about you, I hope you know that, but for the time being, I need to put my feelings first and stop allowing myself to get hurt.
I don’t think I will ever send that to him, unless im feeling really bold. But its good to get my feelings out of my system.
I probably won’t come back and write on this site for a while, unless something else happens that i need to get out on “paper”. For now, ill see ya.
