Hello again Medium!
Although I don’t come to this website nearly as often as I used to, I still feel like its a safe place for me to let go of my feelings. There is something about just typing words out on a page that gives me strength and perspective.
I am not a little over halfway through my first semester of Sophomore year. So far, it has been HARD. I was previously taking 6 classes, but I had to withdrawal from one because it was just too hard and I thought it was going to tank my GPA. Even though I will still have to spend the money on it, I think it will help me do better in my other classes.
My mental health has not been good. My anxiety is worse than ever, and I really need to get medication. I have been trying to get a doctor, but it is so confusing. I am also trying to get my body in check, because I was getting two periods for a while. I got an ultrasound yesterday. That was uncomfortable.
I love halloween, but I haven’t really had the urge to go out lately. I went out thursday and did not have a good time, and I also went out last night. Last night went better than thursday did. I dressed up as a prisoner and went to the bar. I ended up going home with the same kid ive been hooking up with for a while, and we “broke up”. After he came back to my apartment and we hooked up, I told him that we would not be hooking up anymore. He took it pretty well, and asked if we could still be friends. I said yes. The annoying thing is that im not really sure if I even like the kid that much. Yes, I like the way he makes me feel wanted at times, but there are also alot of things about him that I dont like. Its confusing. He told me blatantly that he did not want a relationship with anyone, and I told him that I did. Im glad that I expressed my feelings, because at least now we are on the same page and know what we each want. I am hoping things go up from here for me.
I want to start putting more time and energy into myself. I want to start working out and eating better again, and hopefully get a job so I won’t have to worry about money. We will see where it goes.
I am hoping that the next time I check in with you, I am doing much better.
