I moved down the shore for the summer. I am having a good time. I thought I was making friends, but maybe I am wrong.
I feel bad that I only go on this website when I have something bad to write about. But I find that typing things out lets me get my feelings out there. Its also nice knowing that someone random might read it and hear me.
I started working at a restaurant down here, and I like my job for the most part. All of my coworkers are my age, and I get along with them pretty well. At the beginning of the summer, I got invited to alot of things. I had a really great time too. I thought everything was going well, but a few people have suddenly turned their backs on me. I blatantly get left out of plans, and I dont know what I did wrong. I thought I was being nice and friendly and a good time, but maybe I overcompensated.
The guy I was talking to at school suddenly started reaching out to me again, and I have been playing harder to get than usual. I don’t want what happened last semester to happen again. I’m afraid that I will fall back into the loop again, and things will go all wrong. The kid tells me he loves me, but I don’t believe him. I think I might love him, but I am slowly realizing that I might just be in love with the idea of him. I love having a person to spend the night with and I love the attention that he gives me while I am there. But what I will always want is someone that I know will always be there. It doesn’t have to be a boyfriend, but somebody who will care about me at my highs and lows.
All my life I have been taught how to be independent. I wish that someone would have told me that its ok to let go sometimes. It is ok to put your gaurd down. I try to control every aspect of my life, but I wish I could just let things happen.
I am learning a lot about myself.
